If I can make it through all this

Atlanta, GA

Tue, 10 Apr 2007 03:48:20 GMT

So I am moving
to...
Atlanta, Georgia.
Exciting, huh?

Long story short problems with family,
good oppurtunity in Georgia,
so I'm going.

Down side:
leaving my friends and family
have to get used to living with my brother..again
leaving New Orleans..the city I love.
Leaving my Grandma Gia
Leaving Brian

Up side:
I get to see my oldest brother everyday
I get to see my niece whenever I want/whenever I have off
I have a nephew on the way that I will get to see right after he's born verses months and months later
I get to see my brother and sister-in-law when I go see my niece and nephew
New people
New experiences
Time with family that I used to hardly ever see
My own place again! Or at least a place that I have to share with my brother but not my mother or sister

Well looks like the up side out weighs the down side but a bunch.
Kara and everyone else can come visit whenever they want though

I'll miss everyone bunches and bunches though
Oh and look I get to go to school out of state like I always wanted.

Oh AND no more ex's randomly popping up. YAY!!!!

New place, new people...new me.

LIfe Update

Thu, 08 Mar 2007 20:18:04 GMT

My life right now pretty much rocks.
I like my job.
I have awesome friends.
I got to go visit Natchitoches last week.
Then there's kinda sorta boyfriend.
Things are going well with that.
He makes me smile...a lot.
You know me, all I need is a good kisser,
haha.
It's gettin easier and easier to get use to
this "new" life, this new sched./plan.
I'm content.
Maybe I don't have to have
~~EVERYTHING~~
right now.
Maybe I can wait for a little bit,
on some stuff that is.

And I might move at the end of this year.
But then that leaves school
forgotten and unfinished.
And I definately want to finish.
Maybe I'll move to Georgia.
Or maybe I'll just stay here for awhile longer,
here isn't all that bad.

And the one that I thought
was going to my
one and only
forever...
It ended a long time ago,
and I've come to realize
that
He's really just a big mess
and nothing but a disappointment.
I tried for a while to figure out
why I was attracted to him,
but now it just doesn't seem to matter.
Whatever it was couldn't have been
THAT strong.
I mean I'm over it now aren't I?

:) Life is good...really good.

And
the way
he looks at me
makes me melt.

Update....back in NOLA

Sat, 06 Jan 2007 03:56:24 GMT

I'm back in New Orleans...finally. I started working at a Marriott in the city and I love it. Mr. oh so pretty great is gone gone gone. He did nothing wrong, I just moved and I down right refuse to do any long distance relationship bull shit.

My car is now in my name and I'm kinda excited about it. It means that I don't have to deal with my dad and be nice to him anymore if I don't want to be. I mean him and his girlfriend have seriously annoyed the crap out of my the past couple of days. Actually that whole side of the family has annoyed the crap out of me for the past week. And so thank goodness that Thanksgiving and Christmas are an entire year away so I have all that time to enjoy not having to deal with them.

As for my job.....wonderful! I work with really nice people and it's in downtown New Orleans which is always fun. AND I might be moving to Seattle in a year (end of 2007, beginning of 2008). Which is a little ways off but I have to start thinking about it now. Look at all the options. Other than that planning, I haven't been planning much.

One of my friends is having a baby April 10th I want to say. It's a boy and I'm super excited. We don't have any little boys in our families. (my mom is very close with her mom, we just as soon be sisters). So yes that is it in my life right now. I'm sure there's some stuff that i've left out and if I think of anything I will edit this post but more than likely you will just miss out, so get over it.

Ok back to work....and then home to sleep because I have the flu.
woohoo....I hate the flu.

Update..

Fri, 24 Nov 2006 00:04:53 GMT

So everything has been good lately. Halloween was good and Thanksgiving has been good so far. Stephen decided to call and talk to me. So he has a new number which I now have but don't think that I really want. But oh well.
Eric texted me the other day too. Whici I was pretty thrown by. Let's just say that I made sure that it would never happen again.
Stephen doesn't confuse me anymore. And I'm tired of the bullshit and drama that comes along with him. He likes me but doesn't want a relationship. He wants me but doesn't want to admit it. And I did not come up with any of this on my own, he told me. So I told him to make up his mind and either stay or get out of my life. He makes, correction tries to make everything so complicated. But I don't want complicated. I want simple and he does not do simple.
There is however a guy that is simple. That has made up his mind. Who has no problem admitting anything. He's cute and tall and sweet, and he gets my stupid bits and when i say off the wall shit. He doesn't say wait what?

This is starting to look promising.
I think I'm starting to like promising and stability.

Halloween has never been so good.

Everyone smile!
It can only get better!

Life is good

Tue, 03 Oct 2006 00:26:46 GMT

Life is good. Things are working out wonderfully.

I'm moving back home after Fall Semester is over with.
I'm gonna sit out a semester and work, then I'll be attending UNO in the Fall, work my butt off, and generally just finally make my life go in the exact direction I want it to.

I can finally see where all this is going.

ohhhhh how I LOVE my life!

All the "what if"s in my life are going to drive me crazy one day

Wed, 20 Sep 2006 01:23:07 GMT

Not many of the things that I have done in the past have made terrific sense, actually some haven't made any sense at all. I've always taken the road that seemed more fun instead of solid, I liked the shakey broken road. I would take that road over the boing road any day. I was always afraid that my life would turn out boring and everyday. I didn't want the normal life with the normal occurences and not so special moments. I wanted someone to look back on my life after I was gone and say "wow, she lead an amaezing life."

So by going after this amazing wild exciting life have I screwed up what was suppose to be? I never slowed down for even a second to think about how any of the decisions I made could affect my life later on. I was just worried about the fun that I having at that moment. I mean don't get me wrong, I plan for my future but it's more like general ideas. Like I want to graduate from college in Broadcast Journalism/Business or Business/Hotel Management. I want to move to New York or Cali and I want to come back to New Orleans to visit OFTEN. If I ever get married and have kids I want to move back to New Orleans because I wouldn't dream of raising my kids anywhere else because I can't picture myself being raised anywhere else. I have that kind of stuff planned out.

What if I had known how things were going to turn out? What would I have done differently, if anything at all? I don't think about it anymore, but once in a while someone will ask me something about how things turned out and all I can think is that I'm happy with the way my life is right now. But then the conversation is over and I walk away thinking am I really? If I had known that it would have all ended this badly I would have never gotten involved. I would have never answered the phone when he called, I would have made some sort of an excuse. If I had done things differently I wonder where I'd be right now...still here or somewhere different w/ someone different?

I have always believed that if you are meant to meet someone and know them then you will no matter what decisions you make...destiny is destiny. I've always believe that no matter what if it was meant to happen then it would. And maybe that is a cop out because it's saying that no matter what you do you will eventually end up in the same spot no matter what decisions you made to get you somewhere else. I think that you make your own decisions and pick your own path to a certain extent. But when someone is meant to be in your life they are going to make it there somehow. Or at least that's how I'm hoping this damn universe works because if not then everything that I have done has just been for shits and giggles. Which is fun and I'm all about the fun but I also think that there should be a point to all the pain and work and stuggle.

I hate these damn serious posts

Everything is great...except for one thing

Wed, 23 Aug 2006 03:26:36 GMT

I was thinkin maybe I shouldn't update this thing til tomorrow so I can spill about school as well as all the other stuff. BUT I'm bored, so I'm spillin now! ha

Work is good, I actually really really really like it. It's fits into my class sched. perfectly. MWF I have a classes from 9-9:50, 10-10:50, then a break til my class from 1-1:50 and if I have to work I have an hour break til I have to be there! TR I have classes from 9:30-10:45 and then 11-12:15. And if I have to work I have about 2 1/2 hr break! yay for my time management skills. This morning I had work...at 7 in the freaking morning. I swear I have no clue how I actually made it to school on time in high school, so glad I'm out of high school. It was fun while it lasted but to tell you the truth I really don't remember that many details about any of those 4 yrs. Well, I take that back...I remember the flirting, the dating, the drama, the boys, THE BOY, and how small it all seems now. Anyway.....

Oh, I think I set the world record for fastest lost school ID today. I went to fee payment, got everything straight (except for my book voucher, don't even get me started on that crap), and I'm about to leave when I realize I need a meal plan and then I realize that I lost my ID at the end of last year. So we go all the way back to the front of the line and add the charges for my ID and meal plan to my bill (oh and it's a big bill). Go to the end of the whole long process of fee payment, take the picture (I went to Piss Party last night and then had work @ 7 this morning, let's just say I wasn't lookin too great), and now I have my "great' new ID. Go over to the meal plan line to have some stupid sticker put on the back of my ID to show that I have that damn plan (whatever sense that makes), and as we are leaving Emily insists that we take our pictures for the yearbook....

I didn't like doing the whole yearbook thing in high school. It was the one day out of the year that I had to actually take the time to get ready so I could look nice in some stupid picture that people will look at once when they get the yearbook and then if it's your senior year you'll look a few more times because of course no matter how anti-school spirit you are your friends always sign the damn yearbook. Maybe you'll get out the old yearbook when it's time for you reunion 10 years from now. I just don't like those pictures, plus I looked like crap today.

Anyhow...I didn't want to take this picture and Emily made me, so somewhere btwn handing the girl at the yearbook table my ID and taking my picture my ID got lost/misplaced/something stupid and crazy that then caused me to rant for the next hour. Oh the fun right?

Piss Party....well now that was a crazy night. I have never seen the Ramada so packed. Some girl bought me a shot, that was interesting, but she was really nice and I'm actually hoping to run into her at Yesterday's or something (what can I say? I know how to make friends and everyone loves me!). A guy that is stayin at the hotel that I work at showed up and then left a note for me at the front desk today, CRAZY!! He's from Jersey....I was like wow guys are bold up there. Nice guy, not my type. So we leave the party kinda early...it was crazy packed. I have an infamous fall in the parking lot/grass, yea those pictures will be great. Ha just pull the trigger now. But it was fun...lots-o-fun, got some good pics out the deal and met a cute guy from UL and a tshirt. So it's all good. Oh but there's a down side about the guy from UL, guess who he knows.....I'm sure you guess is right. What the hell kinda luck is that?!?!?

Ok so the one thing that isn't right about my life right now....I want some sushi!!!! I want to go home not this wknd but next but I don't think I can afford to and I would like to get more sleep than I'm gettin right now! I want my clothes to magicly put themselves away, the dishes to wash themselves, and money to just appear out of thin air or at least have a money tree in the back yard. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem working and having to have a job to have money but it seems like I'm working my ass off and not getting paid that much. Maybe this paycheck will be better. Who knows.

Ok headache and class in the morning...fun stuff

Facing the past...my random thought of the day

Sat, 05 Aug 2006 22:24:48 GMT

This is my frist day off since I started working at the hotel. I really like my job by the way, it's great and I've made up my mind that I am going to switch my major to International Business w/ a minor in Hotel Management. Who knows maybe one day I'll be GM of some great big hotel or maybe even open my own, it's just a dream but I'm going to try to get there. So anyway the point of this ridiculous post is that I have had nothing to do all day except just watch tv, daydream, and think. We all know what happens when I start thinking...things get a little complicated because I started reading way too much into things and what not.

Topic of thought today? What happens when you finally have to face your past.
That day will come. The day that someone finds out all about who I used to be, the day that I bump into my first love, the day that my past catches up with me. I don't have some crazy past that will threaten my future or anything, just a past that I sometimes wish had never happened. The person that I used to be, well the one I liked was nice but nieve, a daydreamer and trusted everyone until they gave her a reason not to. The person that I used to be but didn't like, well she was somewhat of a bitch. Ok, not somewhat, I was a bitch, completely harsh and not someone that had anyone else's emotions in mind. I basically just did what I wanted and to hell with everyone else. I don't really ever want anyone to know about those two "past me's". Because to tell you the truth I'm starting to like the person that I am now, it's a mix of the two. I'm still nice, sometimes. A bitch when I need to be. I'm not innocent but I am somewhat of a good girl. My life is pretty much balanced out now. So why would having to deal with my past be an uncomfortable situation if I'm fine with the person that I am now, because really that's all that should matter...right? Well, kinda.

I've said and done things that I'm not exactly proud of, I've hurt people that at that time meant the world to me, and in a way still do. To have to face those people would mean having to face what I did to them to hurt them so much. I would have to face them and see in their eyes all the hurt that I caused by saying things that I never meant, and I still don't mean, things that I would take back in a heart beat if I could. I constantly told myself that I could never go back because what was done was done. Said. Done. And over with. You can't really go back when everything is really that over with, now can you. I have so many thoughts everyday about what things would be like if we had just found the RIGHT words to say instead of the words that we knew would hurt the other the most. It's like if I have to face those people, if I have to look all my mistakes in the eyes, I would just end up torturing myself and those people by wondering and asking "what if?". What if things had turned out different? Where would we be now? Would things have ended anyway or was it just not our time? Ha, basically my head would just go crazy with questions and everyone knows how I am...if I have a question I ask it, I don't know how to not talk. If I had found a better answer for that person as to why I hurt them then I would want to explain which would just end up hurting them and myself again because it would bring up old emotions again.

I guess I'll never really know what will happen when I bump into my past, but I always wonder about it. I don't even really mean it but I do. I dream about it, and not on purpose, it's not a daydream, just a random dream. There will be a moment in my day when I'm not at work or when I'm not busy around the house, or I'm not completely engulfed in some stupid show on tv. There will be a moment in my day when I'm not stressing out about what I am going to do now that my lovely father has cut me off. And in that moment I will wonder "what if?", and I will wonder "what will happen when the inevitable moment arrives".

P.S. Yes I know that I am a complete nerd for writing a whole blog/post on this but it was my random thought of the day and I just could NOT get it out of my head. Plus, as I said I have no work today so I am a little bored. I think I'm going to go read a book now.
Oh and if you leave a comment and aren't an LJ user person thing (lol) please put your name somewhere in the message/comment. I hate playing the guessing game.

Sooner or Later

Thu, 03 Aug 2006 18:16:13 GMT

Life aint always beautiful
Sometimes it's just plain hard
Life can knock you down, it can break your heart

Life aint always beautiful
You think you're on your way
And it's just a dead end road at the end of the day

But the struggles make you stronger
And the changes make you wise
And happiness has its own way of takin it's sweet time

CHORUS
No, life aint always beautiful
Tears will fall sometimes
Life aint always beautiful
But it's a beautiful ride

Life aint always beautiful
Some days I miss your smile
I get tired of walkin all these lonely miles

And I wish for just one minute
I could see your pretty face
Guess I can dream, but life don’t work that way

But the struggles make me stronger
And the changes make me wise
And happiness has its own way of takin it's sweet time

No, life aint always beautiful
But i know i'll be fine
Hey, life aint always beautiful
But it's a beautiful ride
What a beautiful ride

Everyone always says sooner or later. And then they add "sooner rather than later hopefully" to the end of it. Which made me think, why?? Why is it better for things to happen sooner rather than later? I mean it's better for some things to happen sooner rather than later but not everything. For instance... someone breaking up with you. If you are happy in that relationship and they break up with you why would you say "I'm glad you did this now instead of later". I would want to put off the hurt as long as I could and hold onto my happiness.

It's like saying I'm glad that everything happens sooner rather than later. Well just keel over right now...I mean it is sooner rather than later.

Basically I just got bored and decided to post this to kill some time before work.

Can't believe I'm goin to start writing in this thing again, wow

Mon, 31 Jul 2006 22:56:21 GMT

I disappeared for a while, deciding not to post blogs anymore. I just got feed up with people reading my posts and then making unwanted comments, which I know that I am posting this and leaving it public for the world to read but there is no need for mean comments or people saying that they don't agree with me, my life, what I'm doing, or what I'm writing. If you don't like it then don't read it.

Anyway... I finished my first year of college in May, rushed home so I could be here when Eric got out of his umm "bad vacation home". Well, a few days after he was out he found out somethings that he didn't really like. Let's just say it didn't go over very well. Drama rama insued and to make a long story short we made up and then broke up...for good. So now I'm single again and I'm liking it. Me and Eric did this little dance for about 2 years and when I wasn't "dating" him then I was hanging out with some other guy. I'm enjoying my time to myself. I get to have all the girl time that I want now and I don't have to worry about the boyfriend gettin mad or anything. I'm happy, which I didn't think that I would be if I didn't have Eric BUT I'm good, really really good actually.

School....I'm changing my major from Broadcast Journalism to International Business with a minor in Hotel Management. I will more than likely be moving back to New Orleans, going to UNO, and working at a hotel downtown. Well that's my plan anyway. Right now I have a job at a Holiday Inn in Natchitoches. Tomorrow is my first day and I'm really excited.

Sorority.... I'm Pref Tea Head. I have to plan the most serious night of Formal Rush, which is really exciting because that's the night that I realized/decided that AOII was definately where I needed/wanted to be. This past year with them has been amazing. I mean we have had our ups and downs, but what family doesn't? It's going to kill me to have to leave them next year, but I'll join the Alum Chapter in New Orleans and come back for Rush every year.

Family and Friends.... Me and my mom are getting along much better now and so are me and my sister. My brothers are wonderful amazing and so is my dad. We found out that my Grandpa (dad's dad) has cancer but he's doing great so far. My grandma Gia (mom's mom) is doing good too. Oh and the worst thing ever...my neice just turned 2 yesterday. Ok, so it's not the worst thing ever but she's not suppose to grow up that fast, she's suppose to stay little forever. OH and Natalie (mom's boyfriend's daughter/my stepsister) had a little girl in May. Her name is Olivia Katherine. She is beautiful. "Aunt Caroline" is going to sound so wonderful when they can finally talk, lol.

Ok well that's the update...I promise the rest of my posts won't be this long. Well at least I'm not planning on making them this long. But anyway, I'll probably post again in a week or so depending on what happens between now and then.

Sun, 19 Feb 2006 22:19:17 GMT

Say what you mean and mean what you say.

You can picture a million lives and never have your own.

Life ain't always beautiful but it's a beautiful ride.

If you want to view paradise, just look around and do it.

Perfect soul...Perfect mind...Perfect face...Perfect LIE.

LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE!

In light of something I just read...

Mon, 13 Feb 2006 17:49:12 GMT

There are things that happen in life that you can't control, things that suck big time too.
Don't talk shit about someone because they did something wrong to at some point or another, chances are it was a two way street and you did something wrong to them also. There comes a time when you just have to let go of all the bullshit and drama and just be happy. Don't try to make someone's life miserable just because you aren't happy. Shit happens, you deal with, come to terms with it, adapt, and then move on. Be thankful for what it was but never will be again, things can never go back to the way they were before. You can't live life like it never happened because it happened for a reason.
Don't hate
Don't discriminate
Don't lie
Don't cheat
Don't take the easy way out but don't make things harder than they really are or need to be
Don't over do it,
Don't judge anyone because you have no idea what's really going on with them
Don't try to be tough, when you need someone that's all there is to it, no way around. Everyone needs someone at some point in their life.
Don't tell someone that they can't make a difference or change the world. It is possible, umm hello what are you using to post this shit? Internet, computer, electricity? May seem silly or stupid but this stuff changed the world, we're more connected to people all around the world. That's not world peace (which I don't think we'll ever have), but it's something.
Don't treat people like they are shit and you are better than them. You just make yourself look like shit.
Don't say one thing but do another, make up your mind and stick to it. You love them or you don't, you hate them or you don't, you're an asshole/bitch/whatever or you're not. Not everything is black and white, but these things are.
Don't tell someone that you would do anything for them and then when they need you most walk away.
Don't cry over spilled milk. Just wipe it up and there's always more.
Don't take anything for granted, tomorrow it might not be there

Do love
Do cry about important things or when you've had enough (it helps)
Do laugh
Do take it day by day
Do be tolerant
Do try to understand
Do give compliments
Do forgive and forget (never relive and regret though)
Do give all your heart and soul to someone that deserves it
Do have your heart broken once
Do live your life to the fullest
Do be faithful
Do be truthful
Do be sincere
Do tell someone you love them everyday, whether it be your mom, dad, sister, brother, kid, boyfriend, girlfriend...get the picture?
Do have great days and sad ones too (without the sad you can't really appreciate the great ones)
Do depend on someone when you need them, let them depend on you too when they need to
DO BE THANKFUL FOR EVERYTHING YOU HAVE AND EVERYTHING YOU DON'T.

I'm so sick of the fighting and the shit talkin that has been going on. Go ahead and fight a little and talk a little shit but after the proper time for all that is over with, STOP! Enough is enough! People have tried being friends and got it thrown back in their face (and I'm not just talkin about any one person). We have all made our decisions, friends, mistakes, and said what we had to say. If you haven't said it yet TOO BAD. You didn't say it when you had the chance and now your chance is gone so get over it! you shouldn't wait to say things til tomorrow because you don't know if you have tomorrow. Yesterday is past, you can't change it and tomorrow is NOT promised. ALl you can do is live for today. So ... stop worrying about other people and their lives, make yourself happy. <---that's for EVERYONE.

Live, Laugh, Love.

GRRRR.....

Tue, 15 Nov 2005 23:15:08 GMT

Ok Ashley this is for you since you wanted me to do it!

Two Names You Go By
1. Caroline
2. Apparently Pick and CareBear are popular too

Two Things That Scare You
1. Failure/unknown
2. Just bugs in general

Two of Your Everyday Essentials
1. sleep/shower/cigarette/things that keep me clean and not cranky
2. cuddle time with the hunny

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now
1. jeans
2. Hooters shirt

Two of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists (at the moment)
1. All American Rejects
2. The Killers

Two Truths
1. My life ROCKS
2. I love my friends/family/everything in my life

Two Physical Things that Appeal to You (in general)
1. ohh the sexy dark features (hair/eyes/etc)
2. gosh the goofiness (sp?)

Two of Your Favorite Hobbies
1. AOII time
2. visiting my favorites!! Kara, Ashley, Cody, Peek and Brooke

Two Things You Want Really Badly
1. UNLIMITED AMOUNTS OF $$$....need new clothes & AOII stuff & just all kinds of shit
2. to know what's goin on!!!! lol everything to go back to bein calm before I had crazy ppl that bothered me!

Two Places You Want to go on Vacation
1. Europe
2. Pretty Tropical Islands

Two Things You Want to Do Before You Die
1. love someone unconditionally with all my heart and recieve the same love in return
2. Basically just live a remarkable life so that when I die someone will say "I knew her and she was amazing"

Two Ways that you are stereotypically a Chick/Guy
1. I like to find excused to shop for new clothes or new anything
2. I freak out for no reason...ONLY SOMETIMES THOUGH

Two Things You Normally Wouldn't Admit
1. There are somethings that really do hurt. I'm not as strong as I say I am
2. I'm secretly a hopeless romantic...I sooo love the cheesy old movies

Two Things You Are Thinking About Now
1. I need to pack to go home
2. .....I want him to finish doin his crap so he can come see me!!

Two Stores You Shop At
1. Victoria Secret
2. American Eagle/Hollister/A&F

Two people I would like to see take this quiz
1. Kara b/c....well just b/c her answers would prolly be funny
2. Stephen...just b/c I don't know shit about him anymore and that's kinda sad

Two people I haven't talked to in a while
1. TJ
2. my brothers...ok it's been like 2 days but still!!!

yea I know I already posted today...being a post whore!!!

Mon, 07 Nov 2005 04:40:19 GMT

I don't like being on bad terms with people!!!! Like there are some people that I just wanna call and be like "Look, I don't like hating you or wanting to kill you" BUT then I remember all the shitty shit that they did and I'm just like "Ok you suck and I ROCK and you're a loser and I ROCK, so now you just need to go away!" Other people I never have a second thought about not liking them. They could vanish right now and it wouldn't effect me at all except that I would have worry about running into them when I go home to visit on holidays or just randomly.

I just want to be happy!!! I mean I'm happy now, very very very very very very HAPPY, but I want to be ecstaticly happy!! Like I want a hunny bunny to cuddle up with and to give me kisses and hugs and most of all PRESENTS!!! (Yea I know I'm selfish and spoiled and shallow!) Oh well, you can't go lookin for the guy b/c when you do it doesn't work. You can't force something that doesn't feel right to you b/c you end up with a psycho (case in point...well ya know). Can't rush things b/c then that ruins them, it may have been something that would have worked out to be right and good but in it's own time and you rushin to screwed it all up.

Oh just shoot me......OH CRAP!!! I wanted to do LJ cuts so that this wasn't soooooo long!!! I FORGOT!! Ok well I'm an idiot! But I'm wearin my letters right now and I look cute soooo I'm a cute idiot!!! lol I ROCK!

ok I had deleted most of this entry b/c it had stuff about Eric in it and I didn't want anything to do with him or him to be a part of my life in any way. But then I read some of the comments left and realized ohh well, he was there and so i can't change it. Anyway...basically what i deleted said that he thought that I had changed since I started college and joined my sorority and I told him that the items at the top of my list had changed. i needed to take care of school and my family and friends and my sorority stuff and i didn't have all the time in the world to talk to him on the phone every night for hours at a time. blah blah blah...don't remember everything i said. BUT whatever i said prompted ppl to leave the comments listed below.

Just some thoughts...

Wed, 02 Nov 2005 04:28:00 GMT

I guess the only thing all of this means is that part of my life is over. I didn't think it would be that easy to let go of. I thought I would be more upset about it than I am. I tried holding on because I had put so much into it. So much emotion, time, energy, and effort. I forced myself to get excited about little things that didn't mean a thing. Truth of it is that I'm a different person now, he is a different person now, and our lives are different now...everything is different now. Things change and we meet new people, things change a little more and those people fade out of our lives while new people float in. I don't know why I can look at him now and have no feeling. The only feeling I have is apprieciation for what was but will never be again. It's sad to let go, but there will always come a time when we have to let go. Sooner or later we have to let everything and everyone go. We might let them go by choice, by need, by want, or by the final let go (death). Everything comes to an end eventually.

I guess old habits don't die all that hard...

I give the final blow
As darkness turns to light
It ends tonight... It ends tonight

Ok, I'm goin to be a lil bit of a post whore today!

Thu, 20 Oct 2005 03:14:11 GMT

I found this Cosmo the other day. I thought it was very interesting and also I think it explains somethings that were a huge mystery to me!

"When in love, your body produces mood-altering chemicals that can override the part of your brain that governs rational thought." -Helen Fisher, PhD, anthropologist at Rutgers University and author of Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love.
The Good...Your new man calls to say he can't wait to see you again, and everything in the world becomes a little brighter: Your annoying boss is a loveable curmudgeon; your claustrophobia-inducing apartment, charmingly cozy. Hell, you could be stranded in Antarctica without a coat, so long as he's around to snuggle with. "When you fall for someone, the part of your brain that's rich in the stimulant dopamine is activated, causing you feel exhilarated." And the intensity of that joy spills out into the rest of your life, mitigating any negative things that may be going on. Dopamine also cranks up production of testosterone, the hormone that rules libido, which can explain your no-holds-barred horniness and Wonder Woman-like sexual stamina. You're probably also producing more norepinephrine, a neurotransmitter that further stimulates your sex drive and is also associated with increased memory. That's why you suddenly have the ability to recall the tiniest details about your man--even what color shirt he wore to dinner 2 weeks ago. "Your brain is ensuring that you cherish every moment the two of you spend together."
The Bad...While being in love can put you in the happy zone, it can also be a tad hazzardous. "Activity decreases in the amygdala, a part of your brain associated with fear. Your internal alarm system doesn't disappear completely, but you are more likely to jump into fearful situations despite the consquences." That's why you assure your new man it's no problem (when it is) to have a leisurely breakfast rather than go to work on time. Norepinephrine is also at play. Yes, it keeps your mind laser focused on details--but only those that relate to your guy. It tends to hamper your ability to home in on anything else. "So much of your brain power is redirected to your man that every other person or project in your life just gets the leftovers."
The Ugly..."Because love sparks activity in the dopamine-rich areas of the brain associated with reward, you becomeas addicted to your man as would be to a drug." When you're with him, you're as high as a kite;when he's MIA, you bottom out. "The more affection and attention your 'love object' gives you, the more you crave--and the more depressed you'll feel if you don't get your fix." The lovesick blues may also be linked to a decrease in serotonin, a brain chemical that helps keep us calm and happy. "We know that low levels of serotonin have been linked to obessive-compulsive disorder. Some evidence suggests sertonin may drop by as much as 40% in people who are in love." Hence, the reason you drive by his house a million times and spend hours trying to analyze what he meant by "See you later." There's even a flip side to all that mind-blowing booty you've been having. "Sex can cause your levels of oxytocin, the "cuddle chemical", to skyrocket, giving you an exaggerated feeling of closeness toward your partner. It's nature's way of helping you bond with your man--whether he's earned it or not."